Facebook Memory

I remember reading that Facebook changed their algorithm that created the 'memories' feature on their platform. The reason being, memories mentioned weren't always positive or happy. In fact, feedback received was that users were 'triggered' by sad and unhappy events shared on Facebook.



Funny thing, a Facebook memory popped up for me in my feed today. It was a quote from my endocrinologist she shared during my visit this date, 2 years ago. While the memory didn't necessarily evoke one of sadness or anger, per se. It did, however remind me of a very critical time in my life that I wasn't fully prepared, ready, nor equipped to handle.

You see, I remember the conversation with my doctor explicitly. I recall sharing extreme frustrations about work, not being or feeling happy, and being sad. A lot. I remember her saying, 'Re-frame life. See things in the positive'. I know, for me, that working out and eating well are acts of self-care. It's what sustains me and make me feel good about myself.

In retrospect, the conversation with my doctor was one of many that were hints, clues, or signs I was   depressed,

Not only would I later learn from my now therapist, I was depressed.  But I had also been suffering from panic and anxiety attacks, as well. In fact, 3.5 months later, I would experience a panic attack at another doctor's appointment with Dr. Harbutt.  It was after that appointment, I promised to make the call to get the help she knew I needed.  I also knew I needed help as I clearly could no longer deal.

The 5 P's

Everyone has a favorite teacher.  The one who made the greatest impact on their life and no matter what, is always referred to even in your adult life.

For me, Mrs. Higgins, my 5th grade teacher is one teacher I have fond memories of her lessons.  We were given an assignment to do a presentation on a state. As Mrs. Higgins was giving the instructions and deadline of the assignment,  she recommended we do a little bit of the homework each night so we're not rushing to complete it. She always wanted us students to do well.  With her suggestion to work on the assignment a little bit each night to avoid last minute work.  She shared with us the 5 P's necessary to do a great job.

Prior
Planning
Prevents
Poor
Performance

I can not count the number of times my 5th grade advice has proven to be relevant today in my adult professional life! 

Thank you, Mrs Higgins for the valuable lesson.

Happy New Year!
Cheers to living your best life with people you love, creating amazing memories filled with all the joy your heart can stand!

Manifesting Joy all of 2019 and beyond!!

Dear 2018,

Thank you for the smiles and tears. The lessons learned. The new people I've met. And even those I disagreed with. All have been growth moments and I'm truly grateful.

Tis the season...to not feeling blue

 

I mentioned here that the Christmas season is not my favorite time of the year. I recently shared with my therapist, this sentiment.  My therapist probed a bit for the why, to which I shared in a nutshell, family traditions I had as a child - young adult had been lost due to our family changes, and there are no new traditions fully established. I was challenged to think of new traditions for our family.  Or at least the minimal ones we do have, to continue to foster them and add to keep the traditions going.

Challenge accepted!

Overall, I'm not feeling as down, sad, or depressed-like this year.  I've made a conscious effort to be happy and joyful in spite of bumps in the road encountered along the way.  I honor those feelings, but don't dwell or live in them. It's an amazing feeling to move through my days and not feel like the Grinch or have Bah-humbug spirit. Thanks therapy!! 

How am I managing the season?  Saying 'yes' to invites when I want to say 'no'.  Spending more time with people who genuinely make me happy and I enjoy their company. I don't let finances be the only driver or motivate my response.  Identifying free or low cost activities during the times where I can't 'do it big', but I can 'do it low-key'.

 
Lastly, my friend, Stacy of SMG Wellness  engaged her Facebook followers in a 31-day #attitudeofgratitude experience where the ask is to journal three things you're grateful for each day.


What is shared doesn't have to be big, but the process is to allow for pause and bring awareness to all of the things we truly have in our day.  It's been a wonderful experience as I mindfully think of things I'm grateful for each day.  Such a mind shift as things that would normally cause a reaction in me, I know think of how that event impacts my life, if at all.

       

#selfcaresaturday

Acts of self-care has been a recent life I've chosen for myself. It's a conscious behavior with purpose and intention to recharge. I typically share on my Instagram channel and use #selfcaresaturday, in conjunction with my therapy session.  I've been in therapy for 10 months and only recently begun to share on a regular basis.  I was mildly ashamed to speak about it openly, but I've found that when I share, I feel so much better and that I'm encouraging others to consider it for themselves. Anyway....

Well, my therapist has been on vacation the ENTIRE month of October. Shade, no shade!

During the early part of October, I honestly found myself in crisis. I emailed my therapist to be reminded with an out of office response she was on vacation, and she wasn't returning until November!
                             

                   (See below Out of office) 

I freaked out more when I noticed I didn't have an appointment scheduled. Thankfully, she confirmed our date, whew!  It calmed me, somewhat, but she also provided me with her 'on-call' person if I needed to see someone sooner.  Thanks, but no thanks! I'll use the tools I had been given to work through my anxiety and panic attacks.

                                             

The week of my mental crisis, I had two social events planned, a fish fry in Pittsburgh, and a house party in Oakland, which is close to my home, Pittsburgh, not so much. And I had plans to go in the Pittsburgh direction, but further the following day. Basically, I'm a lazy driver and wanted to stay close to home, even though I wanted to attend both events. More importantly, I knew there would be good food, company, and lots of laughs! Well, I decided I wasn't going to the fish fry... until the host called to inquire about my RSVP status. I broke the news that I likely wouldn't attend and my friend, let me have it in a guilt-filled way.  Needless to say, I went home, took a nap, and high-tailed myself to my friend's fish fry. I'm so glad I did! The food was bomb, drinks flowed, laughs were big and often. Seeing old friends and meeting new ones was awesome!

Next up...the annual house party, also known as Grovetoberfest! This is a party you really don't want to miss. I mean, multiple DJ's, bomb ass food, drinks a plenty, and dope people! This year, I hung out in the house vs backyard. To see a soul train line happen was epic. The night was epic! I stayed out well beyond my bedtime without one regret!




I awakened Sunday with a full heart. I treated myself to a full recharge of #selfcaresaturday. It was so needed.   I had to call my friend who shamed me for not accepting the RSVP and thank him for reaching out.  The Monday conversation of  'how was your weekend', had the most robust response of  'it was great!'.  


I couldn't be more thankful for the time spent with friends over the weekend and for my community of friends who filled my spirit in an immeasurable way. I was reminded that I need to show up to events, even when at first, I don't want to attend, especially when there will be folks I truly adore!  

A Dream Fulfilled

Florence, Italy

  In April 2018, I took a trip I had dreamed of taking for as long as I could remember. I wanted to go for my birthday in 2017, but it wasn't financially feasible for me to prepare in 2016. Needless to say, I was quite disappointed.  Sad, even. And also the beginning of what in hindsight, my depression-like symptoms.  Please know that my not being able to take the trip wasn’t the reason for my depression, but it certainly added to the mountain of feelings I had been experiencing.  I had spent my weekends in bed, I distanced myself from friends and loved ones, and pretty much disconnected myself from all social activities. I did what I had to do...work and return home back to my bed.  I found comfort in spending time with my niece and nephew, but as soon as my interactions with them were done, it was back to my depressed state.  I’ll never forget the holiday break, December 2016.  I spent the entire break in bed watching television.  Sounds like a dream, right? Yeah, no!    

Oddly enough, I was continuing my visits with my nutritional visits, but not working out. I honestly felt the only control in my life was cooking and it got me out of the house for about an hour on the weekend to buy groceries and fresh produce. It was such a struggle!

 One Sunday on the ride home from church, my mom had a ‘come to Jesus’ conversation with me.  She flat out told me that I was not myself and I hadn't been a nice person in a long while.  I was depressed.  She didn’t like the person who I was and that I needed a serious attitude adjustment.  I heard her, but didn’t want to hear her. A few weeks had gone by.  I still hadn’t fully addressed the conversation my mom and I had, but it was there in the back of my head.

 Surfing the internet, I saw an announcement that Travel Noir would be posting dates for their 2018 trips soon.  I talked to mom about us planning to attend their Amalfi trip and told her to check it out.  She was hesitant about committing.  Not for herself, but for me because of the amount of uncertainty I had going on in my life at the time, along with the cost of the trip. In speaking with mom about Italy, I told her, ‘ there will never be a right time to go when I have the right amount of money or where all things will be perfect’.  My question was why not go, now?

In the midst of preparing for my dream trip, I also finally dealt with my anxiety and depression with the help of identifying a therapist. It was a great combo of having a trip to look forward to, while working on me and gaining coping skills to manage my anxiety.     

I had a life-long dream of visiting Italy and by the grace of God I wanted see it to fruition.  So on a May 2017 early morning, mom and I gave our money towards a deposit to Italy in April 2018 a month after my half-birthday.  Because yes, I sort of celebrate my half-birthday.  Taking this trip was an amazing experience.  There are so many memories embedded within my spirit that they will last beyond a lifetime. I look forward to our next adventure and my continued journey to wellness. 

Sometimes, your dreams may not come when you want them, but if you keep working towards them, eventually, you'll catch them! #dreamcatcher