Thursday, September 13, 2018

A Dream Fulfilled


Florence, Italy
  In April 2018, I took a trip I had dreamed of taking for as long as I could remember. I wanted to go for my birthday in 2017, but it wasn't financially feasible for me to prepare in 2016. Needless to say, I was quite disappointed.  Sad, even. And also the beginning of what in hindsight, my depression-like symptoms.  Please know that my not being able to take the trip wasn’t the reason for my depression, but it certainly added to the mountain of feelings I had been experiencing.  I had spent my weekends in bed, I distanced myself from friends and loved ones, and pretty much disconnected myself from all social activities. I did what I had to do...work and return home back to my bed.  I found comfort in spending time with my niece and nephew, but as soon as my interactions with them were done, it was back to my depressed state.  I’ll never forget the holiday break, December 2016.  I spent the entire break in bed watching television.  Sounds like a dream, right? Yeah, no!    

Oddly enough, I was continuing my visits with my nutritional visits, but not working out. I honestly felt the only control in my life was cooking and it got me out of the house for about an hour on the weekend to buy groceries and fresh produce. It was such a struggle!

 One Sunday on the ride home from church, my mom had a ‘come to Jesus’ conversation with me.  She flat out told me that I was not myself and I hadn't been a nice person in a long while.  I was depressed.  She didn’t like the person who I was and that I needed a serious attitude adjustment.  I heard her, but didn’t want to hear her. A few weeks had gone by.  I still hadn’t fully addressed the conversation my mom and I had, but it was there in the back of my head.

 Surfing the internet, I saw an announcement that Travel Noir would be posting dates for their 2018 trips soon.  I talked to mom about us planning to attend their Amalfi trip and told her to check it out.  She was hesitant about committing.  Not for herself, but for me because of the amount of uncertainty I had going on in my life at the time, along with the cost of the trip. In speaking with mom about Italy, I told her, ‘ there will never be a right time to go when I have the right amount of money or where all things will be perfect’.  My question was why not go, now?

In the midst of preparing for my dream trip, I also finally dealt with my anxiety and depression with the help of identifying a therapist. It was a great combo of having a trip to look forward to, while working on me and gaining coping skills to manage my anxiety.     

I had a life-long dream of visiting Italy and by the grace of God I wanted see it to fruition.  So on a May 2017 early morning, mom and I gave our money towards a deposit to Italy in April 2018 a month after my half-birthday.  Because yes, I sort of celebrate my half-birthday.  Taking this trip was an amazing experience.  There are so many memories embedded within my spirit that they will last beyond a lifetime. I look forward to our next adventure and my continued journey to wellness. 

Sometimes, your dreams may not come when you want them, but if you keep working towards them, eventually, you'll catch them! #dreamcatcher

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